I must admit, coming home has been harder than I expected. At first, I was just happy to be back. I enjoyed seeing friends, spending time with family, taking care of the horses and having some time to relax. But as time wore on, I began to feel unsettled and confused. I had finished my whirlwind adventure and was now faced with daunting decisions about the future.
As well-meaning friends eagerly asked the, “So…what’s next?” question, I realized with alarm that I didn’t have an answer. For the first time in my life, I didn’t know where I was going. Admitting this was hard…really hard. I’ve always had a plan. I’ve always known the next step. I’ve always had a clear vision. In other words, I’ve always felt in control – and suddenly, I didn’t. I felt like a shocked pilot. I thought I knew how to fly the plane of my life, but then I began a spiraling, uncontrollable nose-dive that left me scrambling to regain some semblance of order.
To say I’ve contemplated a variety of different options for next year would be a major understatement. I’ve thrown around enough ideas to make anyone’s head spin. Should I raise turkeys? Chickens? Sheep? Cows? Do I teach riding lessons? Host events? Give farm tours? Hold summer camps? Do I try something totally different (not farming/horse related)?
As all of this ran through my head, I began to feel paralyzed. So, I stopped talking about the farm. I stopped blogging. I did chores but kept farm projects to the bare minimum. After all, how could I move forward without knowing the master plan? But in the moments of confusion, I heard God whisper, “Just take the next step. Trust me. Let go of your need for control.”
And after two tumultuous months filled with confusing unknowns, I’d like to report that…
I still don’t know the plan for next year.
That being said, I’ve heard action brings clarity. So, I’m rejecting the paralysis, getting off the fence and committing myself to move forward and embrace the unknown.
Besides, I do know a few things. I have three amazing horses to take care of. I have a beautiful property to steward. I love teaching and sharing what I’ve learned. I have a little flock of pullets who will begin laying in the spring. I have a passion for growing great food. I have a supportive and encouraging community of family and friends. I enjoy working hard in the great outdoors. And I have a God who knows how it all fits together.
Here’s to embracing the unknown, moving forward one step at a time and trusting that God will show us the path in His perfect timing.
Thanks for following along on the journey.
P.S. This means you’ll be hearing from me on a regular basis again…one new post every Sunday!